Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Two weeks before the Wedding of the Year between Golden Boy and Gisela (now, thanks to the MC, to be forever known as Kevin and Isabella) we had a burglary. I won't go into the gory details except to say that my gun was taken along with other stuff, actually they must have thought my gun was the jackpot in what must have seemed like a raid on a second hand junk shop! The police, who couldn't care less about the burglary, promptly slapped me with a sapoena to appear in court on charges of "Negligence of a Firearm"! The darn thing was in my bed where I'd slept with it the night before and upon waking in the morning I was so darn relieved to see the sun that I totally forgot it. That was the day the burglars decided to hit us.
I had to appear in court on the Thursday when the case was remanded until the 28th July. This was a problem as I was staying in Joburg with Daughter No.1 until I left for Switzerland on the 3rd August. Luckily our kind neighbours took me in on the Monday night so that I could be in Rustenburg court by 8.30 the following morning.
The woman judge looked out of place with her black tresses highlighted with neon red and sporting a long lime green extension. I had the feeling she would have preferred to straddling a Harley than sitting on the bench. The prosecutor, when cross examining the accused, would clasp her hands and end each murmured sentence with pursed lips and closed eyes. Luckily the judge realised early on that I was hard of hearing as she asked if I had understood the little speech the prosecutor gave when it was my turn, I had to say I hadn't heard a thing! There was a translator at the front of the court (not for me) who looked like a comedian in a night club with his cheerful face, large dimples and happy smile - this even when he was saying the most awful things either to the accused or to the judge. The Clerk of the Court was as gay as anything with a white silk shirt and a long black and white striped scarf wrapped round and round his neck. He pouted and dimpled and waved to all with fluttery fingers and secret smiles and I felt a bit like Alice in Wonderland. Other court personnel and lawyers came and went during the days proceedings bowing and scraping each time they passed the bench. Ten minutes into my case the judge realised the offical papers in front of her were incorrect (if I'd had a lawyer I would probably have been dismissed then) and left for a ten minute adjournment, whereupon all hell let loose in the court! Sandwiches and cake were hauled out from under desks and a party ensued in the front of the court while the "spectators" looked on with a jaundiced eye. As soon as the door at the back of the bench opened everything was stuffed back under the tables and with much snorting and sniggering the court staff became somber again.
The upshot was a rap over the knuckles and a suspended sentence for the next 5 years as long as I don't LOSE my gun again! The police, by the way, found it when they raided the burglars house and so they have it now and whether I will ever get it back from them is another matter altogether!