OAP joins the blogging community

I'm always keen to try something new in the world of technology so tonight I asked daughter #1 to show me how to open a blog. Having sat like an idiot while she set it up I now don't know what to say that I won't regret tomorrow!

My 60th has just gone (thank heavens - I can now relax) and I have joined the ranks of the elderly! What do I gain? Well I get pensioners discounts at certain stores on certain days, cheaper movie tickets and entrance to botanical gardens for less! Whoo eee! Actually I don't feel any different to when I was 59, or 58 for that matter.

But my birthday was a great technological blast as I received a Samsung Omnia i900 which does everything but wash the dishes. It even has a built in Garmin which tries to tell me which way to go - but I am a pretty stubborn cuss and rarely listen to her which makes her rather confused. Most of a journey she spends her time sulking and trying to recalibrate my whereabouts. Beloved Partner of 15 years thinks she should have built in swearing capacity and be able to make threats and scream and yell when I don't listen to her. But actually I don't completely trust her so only use her when I know where I'm going! Bit of a waste but great fun.

Eldest sister and husband gave me a Nintendo with Train Your Brain on it which is also fun - especially as my brain-age at present is hovering somewhere between 29 and 40 (much better than 60). Although the other day after testing my brain I nearly had a heart attack when Dr Tamaguchi (or whatever his name is) said my brain age was 70!!! I thought my new toy must be on the blink until he suddenly said "Ha Ha. I made a mistake - your real brain age is 30" Yeah right Dr Sukiyaki - very funny.

Daughter #2 had done a painting of our house at sunset - like all her art work I shall now have it framed which will empty my bank account completely! She once painted me a huge copy of Van Gogh's Irises which cost me the equivalent of a small country's GDP to have framed. The best was a small painting of her ginger cat which only cost a couple of hundred rand to frame.

Today I managed to sign up a dress maker to make me "the perfect dress" for my son's - Golden Boy's - wedding on the 1st August. I have tried to find something perfect with no luck - the only one I liked I couldn't do the zip up, neither could anyone else. My grandson sighed and threw his hands up and said "Sorry Gran, I really tried but it's no use". Ever since then I have been trying to lose weight but it's an uphill battle especially as I really love my food. The dressmaker says I must return for a fitting next week with the underwear I intend wearing on the day. Oh boy - my enormous 38DD bra and Magic Knickers!! How sexy is that? When I bought the Magic Knickers I couldn't believe I was expected to get into something that looks like it was designed to fit a Baby Born doll. As I crashed around in the too small cubicle, lurching an elbow or a buttock out of the curtain the saleswoman poked her head in and said gaily "everything all right?" My face was crimson from bending down trying to get a foot into the other leg. She was kindness itself as she brought me a chair to sit on which was far more dignified and she showed me how to roll them like a condom onto my person. I managed to get the jolly things above my knees and there I stuck, tugging and twisting and cursing until finally they rolled above my bottom and settled around my midriff. As I was pulling them about and trying to get them to sit comfortably (stupid idea - these are not meant for comfort) I realised there was a large hole and panicked as I thought I'd ripped them. Saleslady came back and I confessed I'd damaged her goods and she laughed, adjusted them with a few deft twists and told me it was a "split crotch" because, once on you can't take them off in a hurry!! God, what we women go through to look good.

I must go and practise rolling them on so that I can do it in a nonchalent manner next week.